Getting a new dorm room had not been as easy as she had foreseen it. Demons were probably on holidays, Tara thought while she headed for the x-th  time to the office of the admittances.

More than ten days after her departure from the Summers house, Tara was still leaving in a hotel. She had changed it though and chose another one, farther from the center of the town but cheaper, her thin means not allowing her to afford better.
The place was poor and you could never imagine less friendly than this. Tara was never at ease when she came back towards her new home at night . But at least, she had a roof and she didn’t doubt that she would have a room in the dorms in no time.
Xander and Anya had insisted again to accommodate her when they had known that she changed her hotel. They were the only ones since her departure to have come and take news from her.
Tara knew Willow wouldn’t come. And it was for the best this way. But she just couldn’t have helped herself to hope seeing Buffy and Dawn come and visit her. But none of them had shown up. Dawn still refused to talk to her and Tara wondered if Buffy, from the depth of her own little world, had even noticed her departure.

The office of the social services of the university was almost empty and a woman without age, sat behind a desk. Absorbed into her reading, she didn’t notice her entrance. Tara sat down discreetly on a chair foreseen for wait.
She stayed there some moments without moving and seeing that the woman still did not notice her, she moved on her chair just enough so that this one scraped the tiled ground. The woman raised her eyes and looked at Tara who sent her an apologizing smile. She made a sign for her to approach.
Tara obeyed and repeated her request of allocation for a room for the tenth time in ten days.

" Still nothing free? " She asked disappointed, while the woman announced her the piece of news.

She shook her head after having read the list on her computer again. 

" Sorry miss. I know that usually the attributions are easier but at the moment, some hall are in recovery, then there are fewer rooms available " she explained.

Seeing the desperate look of Tara, she looked again at her list.

" I have a foreign student who leaves in one and a half month "

" One and a half month! " Tara exclaimed.

" I have nothing better. But you are on the waiting list, if something is released, we shall warn
you. "

" How many people before me on the list? " Tara asked.

Again, the woman consulted her computer and grimaced.

" A good dozen. "

The woman found nothing more to add and Tara neither. She thus decided to leave.

" Thank you very much. Have a good day "

And Tara was outside again, more depressed than when she had entered ten minutes earlier.

She was thus going to take the road back to her dirty hotel when a known voice called her shyly from behind.

“Tara…”

The witch turned around to face Dawn, whom she sent a frank smile to. The teenager was shyly standing some metres across from her,  apparently embarassed

" Dawn! I am so happy to see you! "

The evident pleasure on Tara’s face seemed to convince Dawn who crossed the last distance between them to throw herself into Tara’s arms. Tara welcomed her with sincerity.

" I came to apologize" said finally Dawn while dimming her head on her shoes.

 " For the other day " She explained.

Tara smiled to her again and squeezed her again against her.

" It's nothing, Dawnie. I understand "

Dawn didn’t answer and contented taking advantage of the offered tenderness and the evident enjoyment which was coming from Tara.

" I thought that we could go to the cinema? " Proposed Dawn, with an hopeful sight.

Tara nodded her head.

" That seems an excellent idea "

Dawn smiled warmly to her.

" Great! You didn’t already have plan at least? "

Tara shook her head and forced to repress the smile, both sad and ironic that came to her lips.

" No, nothing foreseen " she said simply.

The witch and the teenager went on their way and went to the town center. The time to reach the cinema, they arrived just in time for the session of the movie chosen by Dawn. The teenager did not resist to the charm of a jar of pop corn that Tara almost let her devour herself only.


(Reprendre début page 3)

When the movie was over and the two friends were outside again, Dawn knew she didn’t want to come back home yet and to separate from the blonde. She thus proposed a milkshake that Tara was happy to accept and to offer to her despite her limited resources.

They remained sat down at the table in a coffee shop some instants, talking quietly .Dawn spoke a bit about school and questionned Tara about the advance of the steps to acquire a dorm room. She then tried to persuade her to agree to go to live with Xander and Anya but abandoned quickly in front of the firmness the young woman showed. Dialogue ended up on Willow and each tried to defend her position. Tara wanted to reassure Dawn on the feelings that each of both witches maintained for her and Dawn championed Willow, assuring Tara that the redhead went better and made efforts with the magic. She finally questioned Tara about her feelings.

When finally Dawn had overcome her huge milk shake, Tara decided to walk her back home up to the residence Summers, in spite of her anxiety to see Willow there. But when they achieved the 1630 Revello Drive, the house was uninhabited. Neither Buffy, nor Willow had come back despite the late hour. Tara decided to wait with Dawn that one or the other took in before herself came back to her room. She was not very pleased at the idea of having to cross again a part of the city at night, but the idea of leaving Dawn alone pleased her even less. So, both established comfortably on the chesterfield looking forward to the return of the inhabitants. But the hours passed without none of the two showing herself and Dawn and Tara ended up falling asleep on the couch.

It was daytime that awakened them. And both noted with astonishment that neither Buffy, nor Willow had come back at night. Tara felt her entrails writhing with anxiety at this report and could not prevent a small voice in her head from howling that something had perhaps happened to one of the two women or perhaps even to both of them. Willow never spent the night away from home. NEVER.
But Tara forced herself to keep good composition not to throw Dawn into a panic and undertook to put on in stoves and to prepare breakfast for the teenager as she was  so often used to before.

Dawn had just came back into the kitchen and was going to attack her breakfast when the back door opened and Willow's voice made Tara shiver from head to toes. She turned round to see the witch entering the room, with a blonde young woman Tara had never seen.
It was necessary to her to unfold more energy and will than she had never believed to possess, to prevent her heart from springing up out of her chest or her legs to give in under her at this view.
The pain she felt was so intense that Tara thought one instant that she had indeed been hit.
She heard barely Willow's babble explaining that the girl was Amy the rat. She found anything as an excuse to leave as quickly as possible, while Amy was only confirming her suspicion and supporting her worst fears on Willow's abuses of black magic.
When Willow spoke to her about stuff that she had left in the house, Tara pointed out that she would come back later, without knowing how she had succeeded in formulating a comprehensible sentence. She then took off as quickly as she could, unable to contain any longer the emotion that built up in her. Arrived on the street, tears ran already copiously on her tired face.
She cried while running on the road which brought her back to her hotel. And once arrived, she threw herself on her bed to cry even more. Silent tears as her childhood had so much taught to her to cry.
She didn't find courage to go out of her room to go to the university. She decided to establish herself more comfortably in her bed and ended up falling asleep there and sinking into a sleep full of nightmares where Willow had nothing left of Willow.

***

When Tara awoke the following morning, she thought one instant that the pain consecutive to the blow of dirk received the day before was going to blurr while the day would advance.
But she was wrong.
On the contrary, Tara felt the weight of her miserable life getting heavier on her shoulders as the hours passed, each one more desperate than the previous and as, at no instant in the day, she caught up Willow in the halls of the university.
Although the pain she knew that seeing the redhead would cause her, Tara hadn’t been able to prevent herself to grind discretly around rooms in which the witch had to have lessons. And not to see her from the whole day had finally been worse than if Tara had seen her, alone or with another girl.

It was therefore a new weight on her heart and new tears on the corner of her eyes, that the blonde witch left the Sunnydale High at nightfall after her last lesson. She crossed the university at a quick pace, reached the town centre and after a good others dozen minutes of walk, she was in the last quarter that remained for her to cross before joining the hotel she lived in.
Deeply buried in her thoughts, Tara did not see a silhouette coming into sight from her right and being roughly planted in the middle of her way. The young woman jumped wildly when she almost hit the new comer. Tara raised her eyes towards the man who was standing in front of her and an inexpressible anxiety grabed her while her instinct said to her that two other men arrived behind her. She hoped one second that this trio would be friendly but remembered quickly that she was in Sunnydale where no nightly meeting was friendly.
She looked quickly around her, searching for a way to escape if the situation turned badly, and cursed herself not to have find a house nearer to the university.

« Then, what we have here? »

The mocking tone of the big and strong man who was standing in front of her, confirmed her that this meeting wouldn’t be nice at all.

« Nobody ever told you it was dangerous to go for a walk alone at night? »

The witch noticed her interlocutor, searching to know if he was human or vampire, really not knowing what would be best, and tried desperatly to calm down herself enough so that she can remember any spell which would allow her to take her out of this.

« So guys, what do you think ? »

Tara turned round partly, but taking good care not to completly turn her back to the first man and determined, as she had already guess, that two other men had just come into sight from darkness behind her.

« She's okay for me » one of them said.

« Who goes first ? » the other one asked.

The anxiety which had grabbed Tara a little earlier transformed into real panic when she heard these words and she opened her mouth to come out with the first conjuration which would come to her. But from the chaos that already was her mind before this meeting, anything coherent came and Tara felt her legs giving in under her, while a powerful arm attracted her forward.
She saw then the face of her attacker being transformed and she had her response : vampires.
Tara closed her eyes and cursed again her nervousness which prevent her to defend herself. She felt the vampire's fangs sink into her neck and let escape a moan of pain.
And as suddenly as the fangs had come, she felt them rouse from her skin and the iron grip on her arms letting go of her roughly. Tara subsided wildly on the wall behing her.
She opened her eyes to see Spike who was now standing between her and her three attackers.

« Three against one, guys? It's not really fair. You've never been taught not to take it out on ladies? »

« What do you want ? » mutterred one of the three. « Clear off and we'll leave you alone »

Spike made a scoffing laugh.

« You think you can harm me? YOU should clear off  before I harm you." He paused. "And then finally no. Don't leave. I really want to harm you »

And with that, Spike sent a terrible right jab in the jaw of his closest opponent who waltzed in a lot of garbage cans behind him. The two other vampires threw themselves on Spike then and this last was too happy about it.
Sat against the wall against which the wampire had sent her before, Tara tried to focus her mind and to calm down her pounding heart. She noticed the scene in front of her, wondering if she could go useful to Spike who distributed blows with feet and fists with a not contained rage to his two opponents. Absorb as he was by his battle, he didn't point out the third vampire which got up again in the middle of ripped open garbage cans and was ready to attack him by behind.
Tara tried to call him to warn him but her shouting stayed stick in her throat and the vampire already stood out behind Spike. In a desperate boost, Tara found the force to spring up on her feet and found her voice again suddenly:

“Incendire”

A small bowl of flame rose between her fingers and crashed on the vampire who was ready to attack Spike by behind, when at the same instant, this one was putting  his stake in the heart of one of his two attackers. Fire was far from being high and dense enough to kill the vampire but it made him stand back and informed Spike of his presence. This last used the surprise of the vampire to reduce him to dust without him having time to re-act.
Then he turned round towards the last remaining vampire whom face was far from beaming.

« You are Spike, aren't you? » he asked, trying to give him a composure.

« Hey, I'm famous even for rookies! » Spike exclaimed on a mocking tone.

The other one did not answer and his look slid towards Tara who had her back against the wall behind her.

“Listen” The vampire said and his attention went back towards Spike. « I know that you can't feed any more 'cause of a chip implanted by soldiers. But we could share? I kill her and we share. What do you say about that? »

Tara trembled slightly, hearing the proposal of the vampire and finally found herself really shaking when Spike turned round towards her and estimated her body from head to toes with thoroughness. She almost left a shouting of dread escape when she saw Spike's face changing and the blonde vampire taking out his fangs. He turned round then towards the other one while Tara was slowly sliding along the wall, ready to confront death.

« It's really very attracting what you offer me » Spike admitted. « But it's no »

With these words, Spike threw himself on the vampire once again and put him almost KO with two blows. He finished him then quiclky with his stake in his heart and came back towards Tara when he had disappeared in dust.

Spike tightened his hand to the witch and Tara took it witch good grace. He helped her to get up again and long seconds were needed for Tara to make her legs stop tremble.

"Thank you " she murmured finally. « Thank you for saving me »

Spike looked at her once again and shrugged.

« It's not really clever to go for a walk at night here. This damn gang didn't teach anything to you? »

Tara lowered her eyes, half-ashamed for letting herself be attacked and half-sad at the evocation of the gang.

« I'm going to walk you back home » Spike added.

Tara shook her head.

« It's not necessary » she mumbled. « I'm not really far anymore »

Spike shook also his head head.

« I come with you. The Slayer will kill me if something happen to you while I'm hereabouts »

Tara stopped protesting and lead the way. It took them some minutes to finish the road that drove up to the hotel.

« Do you want to go up one sec? » Tara asked after one instant of hesitation as they attained the door. « I could give you something to drink. To thank you »

Spike made first the grimace, doubting that the witch had anything in her fridge that he might want. But he decided therefore to accept when he saw the almost pleading look Tara had made her invitation with. Probably the girl didn't have a lot of guests.

Spike followed her to the second floor where Tara had to battle with her trembling hands to open her door. While she was trying to put her key into the lock, the vampire noticed his surroundings: dark halls, soil and grubby walls. Spike thought that this hotel was definitely the last type of place which would suit the blonde witch and he wondered an instant how Willow had been able to leave her established herself in such a crappy place.
Finally the door opened and Spike interrupted the thread of his thougts to follow Tara in, after she invited him. The room resembled in no way the hall which they had just left. Though the spartiate aspect of the place, he saw that Tara had definitely made all that was in her power to make the room homey. The little bed was impeccably made, her clothes sweetly tidied up in her bag or folded on the only chair of the room and several candles were burning here and there, lightning the room with a benevolent light.
Tara took away the pile of linen on the chair and made him a sign to sit down. Spike obeyed, wondering suddenly why he had accepted the invitation.

« You have some blood on your neck » he pointed out to her while allowing himself to fall on the chair.

Tara put down the linen on the bed and put her hand on her neck, where she had been bitten. She considered one instant the blood her hand had gathered with an absent air, before turning to Spike once again:

« You... Do you want to suck the wound? » she asked on a shyly tone.

Spike looked at her with incredulity, not certain to have definitely understood what Tara just said.

« What? » he asked, evident shock on his face.

« Do you want to suck blood on my wound? » Tara asked once again. « I... you saved my life, it's the least I can do … »

Spike looked at her one instant with thoroughness, seeming to consider the offer.

« Bloody hell Tara ! Are you getting crazy? » He exclaimed finally. « To offer such things? »

Tara's face closed up immediatly and Spike had the feeling that she was hurt by his outburst. He regretted it and tried to reassure the blonde witch :

« Be not hurt, blondie » he added on a tone he wanted nice. « It's not because you're not appetizing or something. But if I touch you, even on your request, Buffy'll kill me, that’s for sure »

He tried to smile but could only note that his try to reassure the fair-haired woman had miserably failed when he saw her face closing up even more.
But Tara realized his effort and corrected herself almost immediatly. She crossed her arms in front of her and gave a light smile without joy.

« Ok » She said. « I'm taking care of this. Take something in the fridge »

Tara turned round towards her bag and searched cotton, a disinfectant and a small mirror. Spike watched her cleaning her wounds without moving from his chair. Tara's task did not last and she came back fast towards him after putting a makeshift dressing on her.

« Juice ? Coke? » she asked after a quick glance at the contents of her fridge. « I'm sorry, I don't have blood » She added with an apologizing smile. « I 'm not used to have vampires around. »

« A coke will be good » Spike answered mildly.

Tara carried him a little bottle of coke and sat down on the bed while sipping her apple juice quietly. The vampire looked at her doing so while saying no word and swallowed some sips of his coke. A weird silence established in the room and Spike searched something to start dialogue with the blonde witch.

« You look like shit » He said finally.

Tara deeply raised her head towards him and Spike cursed himself not to have find better to make dialogue with the witch.

« I'm tired » Tara explainded simply. « You don't get attacked by three vampires every day»

Spike addressed her an apparently sceptical grimace.

« Almost not every day » Tara corrected.

« The place's not sure » Spike said to change the subject. « You should find you something else »

Once again, Tara's s smile disappeared and this time, Spike wondered where he made an error to cause this desperate air that the young woman were wearing now.

« I'm searching » She said simply. « It's not easy. The dorms are full at this time of the year. And other accommodations are a bit expensive … »

« I see » The vampire approved.

One more time, silence fell into the room, only disturbed by the discreet noise of the sips drunk by both protagonists. Spike looked at Tara with more attention than before. He saw deep rings under her eyes, traces of dried tears, her hands shaking, and what hit him more than everything, the complete lack of hope in her look which he had the opportunity to see so sparkling.
Willow's betrayal had left deep marks on the young woman despite all her efforts to hide them. Spike understood only too well these feelings of rejection and loneliness that Tara had to endure. As far as could be his situation and the blonde witch sat in front of him one, they had at least this in common : rejection. Buffy rejected him because he was just a vampire. And in some way, Willow rejected Tara to prefer the power that gave her dark magic, over the blonde.
And loneliness. Tara could only be immensly alone to hide in a hotel room so seedy and invite in it a vampire who was as alone as she was to accept the invitation of an almost dumb young woman.

« You really look like shit » Spike insisted when he had finished his examination of the young woman. « You shouldn't stay here. It isn't good for you to depress alone in this hole. »

« Who cares ? » Tara replied on a caustic tone Spike had never heard her use before

Spike bit his lips, uncertain of the response to bring. Uncertain to know the response. Uncertain that there was one who could satisfy the witch.

« You. You should » He answered finally, looking Tara straight in the eye.

Surprise, then hesitation that he saw being written on the face of the young woman, encouraged Spike to go on in this direction.

« Look, look around you, Tara » He went on on a firmer tone. « You don't look like the woman who looked after Dawn and this bunch of depressives unable to take care of themselves this summer. »

« Many things have changed since this summer » Tara gravely murmured.

" Yes " Spike approved on the same tone. « Many things. But you shouldn't lock yourself here and waiting for a new miracle. »

« And what should I do according to you? » Tara asked on a tone pointing out apparently that she did not wait for a persuasive reponse.

« If nobody pulls you through this, pull through this yourself» Spike asserted, getting up to give more force to his words. « If you can’t bear to see her sinking like she does, then leave. If nobody keeps you there, then leave. »

Tara opened her mouth to answer something but remained silent and lowered her eyes to hide the tears which went up to her eyes while Spike's words reality printed in her mind. Nobody would keep her. Nobody kept her.

« There's the university » she murmured finally.

« It won't fly off. You'll always be able to come back when you feel ready. And in the worst case, there are other universities in the country … »

Spike shut up and gave the fair-haired woman a sympathetic smile while this one still stared at her hands on her knees, seeming to fight an interior battle, either to keep the little composure she had left, or either to find what to answer.
Finally, the blonde witch raised her eyes clear as crystal towards the vampire:

« Why don't you do it ? »

Spike was taken aback by the question and frowned while asking her :

« What? Do what? »

« Leave. » Tara answered. « If nothing keeps you. Why? »

Spike remained silent and finally gave her a small sad smile as only answer.

***

Tara put the key in the lock and got ready to close the door but remained one instant in the opening, looking at the room impeccably lined up and consequently empty in which she had lived these last weeks.
A last look and the door was locked and Tara took down both floors slowly, up to the reception, her last bag on her shoulder.
Arrived at the bar, she tightened her key to the receptionist, then displayed a little currency in front of him. He proved count then delayed the key on its place, lined up the money and moved away without saying a word.
Tara went outside where she was grabbed by a gentle wind which froze her up to the bones for no apparent reason. She looked on both sides of the street and was relieved to see Xander  going down from his car and make her a sign.
The young woman crossed the distance that separated her from the young man. He gave her a quick hug and indicated her to get in the car after having put her bag on the back wall seat. Then he put himselft in front of the steering wheel.

"Tara" He began on a soft tone, almost pleading.

« Xander, please » Tara answered on the same tone.

Xander looked at Tara, who was staring in the distant across the windshield and finally started the engine without saying a word.

The road up to the bus station lasted only some minutes and took place in a complete silence. When the car stopped, the young man seemed to hesitate one instant then turned to Tara:

« Tara, are you sure of … »

« Xander, please » Tara repeated as she said it earlier.

But this time, Xander refused to remain silent and resumed on a firmer tone:

« No. Let me say to you at least that I don't understand. I know that you're going through a difficult time with Will. But leaving ? »

« I need it, Xander » Tara answered simply and tried to smile. « Some time. I shall come back When I'll get better. »

Xander answered nothing when he saw the resolute face of the young woman and sighed heavily.

« Pay attention to you. » He said finally while Tara laid her hand on the handle of the door. « They'll wait for you at the bus station. I call Angel as soon as I come back home »

Tara nodded her head bravely and sketched a smile for the young man. Then they both went out of the car. Xander opened the back door, he took Tara's only bag and he went around the car to give it to her. Tara put the shoulder strap on her shoulder and Xander took her one instant in his arms.

« Thank you for everything, Xander » Tara said when they parted.

« Don't say thank you to me » the young man protested on a bitter tone. « You don't let us help you »

« Maybe because you can't»

Xander sighed sadly but answered nothing. He just watched Tara going up in the bus which pointed out Los Angeles as final destination.
When the vehicle had disappeared from his view some minutes later, he went back up slowly in his car.